Leg Cramps, Vocabulary, and Imagination

div>The worst way to be awakened is by the excruciating pain of a leg cramp. Actually, I suppose that the absolute worst way to be awakened is by someone yelling “Fire!” Yep, that would be worse than a cramp even if the cramp hurts so bad that tears are streaming down your face.

As I get older, the cramps in the calves of my legs happen more often and seem to be more painful than they were when I was younger. I have found a way to alleviate the pain quickly. Imagine the following illustration is my leg while I am lying on my back,side view. If you can imagine this is my leg, imagine it is my shapely leg. Thanks.



To stop the cramp, the following illustration shows that I flex my foot toward my knee, stretching the calf muscle, thereby stopping the cramp with very little soreness afterward.

This morning it didn’t quite work as planned. When I flexed my foot toward my knee, nothing happened; the painful cramp continued. I increased the pressure to stretch the muscle. The excruciating pain in my calf moved to the front of my leg. I actually felt it move. The pain extended from just below my knee to the tips of my toes. My toes were bent backward at an unnatural angle. When I tried to ease the pressure, I found my leg, ankle and toes were locked! Oh, the pain! As I lay in bed groaning and massaging my poor leg, a thought crossed my mind. “My gosh! If my leg and foot remains locked in this position, I will have to buy djinn shoes.” Finally, after about of 15 minutes of groaning and writhing in pain, my leg relaxed, and I am now able to hobble around. I won’t need the djinn shoes after all.

In case you’re wondering,this is what I imagine a djinn’s shoe would look like.

I have an imaginary djinn who is at my beck and call. He is exceedingly tall, dark, and handsome. He wears gauzy white pantaloons, a snowy white turban, an abbreviated vest encrusted with precious stones, perfect pearls, and embellished with embroidery done with golden thread. The little vest barely covers his chest and leaves his perfect six-pack exposed. His shoes are similarly ornamented as his vest. But I digress. (And you thought I only had fantasies of blowing loonies out of the left lane driving 45 mph in a 55 mph zone.)

It is distasteful to me to discuss my aches and pains, but this time it was absolutely necessary because I have never had the opportunity to use the word “djinn” in the course of normal communication. I just couldn’t resist.