Fun Things To Do Besides Being Rude to Telemarketers

It’s bad enough that you feel just awful; it’s bad enough that you are bored out of your mind but you don’t even feel like reading a book or passing the time online. That paranoia that usually hits you in the middle of the night hits at 3:00 in the afternoon. You do feel like eating but not well enough to go to the kitchen to heat up a can of soup so you eat a slice of plain white bread. After the second day the guilt begins. You see the dishes that need to be loaded into the dishwasher, the laundry hamper is overflowing, and your local Wal-Mart is in financial difficulty because you haven’t visited in several days.


However, during my recent illness, I found a few fun things to do;

While lying on your back (It’s a little uncomfortable lying on your side or even turning you head because if you do, the nasal discharge flows freely down your cheek and onto your pillow. Who knew snot could feel so cold on a pillow case?) you can watch the ceiling fan turn and try to predict when that glob of dust will fly off the lazily turning blades.

After the decongestant has dried you sinuses a bit and you can once again turn your head, you can fire up the DVD player and watch nine “Midsomer Murders” episodes in a row. (I may never watch Inspector Barnaby again.) You can also listen to umpteen old time radio detective shows on your mp3 player. Warning: After the about the third hour, the charming naiviete (imagine the accent mark on the last “e” in “naivete) will wane and your mind will turn to mush.

There is also a chance that you could get your name into the Guinness Book of World Records if you keep count of your consecutive sneezes. My best was 11 in a row. How exciting!

You can compose scathing, cogent blog posts in your head about Newt Gingrich, Sara Palin, the purveyors of fiction on Fox News, and the effect of witchcraft in the political arena. You can write imaginary pithy comments on the posts of tea baggers that will miraculously change their points of views to your way of thinking. Fever makes fantasy even more fun.

For a really good time, your spouse might simply enter the room and thoughts of homicide will pass through your mind. That could be a side effect of a “Midsomer Murders” overdose, but planning the perfect murder kills another quarter of an hour.

My cold is getting a little better, and as you can tell, I’m not as grumpy as I was before.