I’m OLD! Today we started the application process for my collecting Social Security benefits. My birthday is next month, but we didn’t think of applying until yesterday. It will be several months before the benefits actually begin. There is a hold-up. I can’t find my birth certificate or our marriage certificate. I’ve applied by mail for the certified copies of the documents. Kentucky, where I was born, says that it will take at least 30 days to process my request, and Connecticut, where we were married, says there is a large backlog of requests to be processed. Who knows how long it will take, but, at least I’ve started the ball rolling.
It is really strange how I feel emotionally. I know that I will soon be 62 years old; I know I have gray hair; I sometimes feel old physically. Mentally, I don’t feel old, but applying for Social Security makes it all too real. I don’t like this feeling!
I know that this is more that anyone really wants to know, but there is a point to the following story.
The only other time I felt old was when I was 36. The doctor told me that I should go off the pill for a while because I had been taking it for over 10 years. Mr. Fixit and I decided that we didn’t want any more children so I opted for spaying (I think the more PC terms is sterilization, but I’ve always thought of it as spaying.).
When I came home after the out-patient procedure, I was surprised at my feelings. I thought I would be happy, but as I was lying on the couch, I found myself becoming a bit depressed. More than a bit actually. I was pleased that I wouldn’t have to keep taking the pill, and I was pleased that I wouldn’t have to worry about pregnancy again. But I felt OLD! I can’t explain why I felt that way, but not being able to have children made me feel old. It took me a couple of weeks to come to terms with the fact that I wouldn’t be able to have children any more.
Today when we came out of the SS office, I had the same feeling. Perhaps when I have received that first check, my depression will lift a little.
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