Chantix - Part 3

This is the last part of my "Quit Smoking and Stay Sane Journal." Sorry, it's a little long, but I don't want to deal with it again. I'm sick of the whole situation!

March 10, 2008

I reduced the Chantix further taking it every other day, and at this point, I haven’t taken any in four days. Right now, though, I would sell my soul for a Winston. That insane desire will pass in a few minutes. At least, it has until now. I don’t have physical symptoms of withdrawal; it’s all in my head, but, dammit, I want a cigarette! Whenever the depression deepens or Mr. Fixit is driving me nuts, the need for a “fix” hits. Today, I think it may have something to do with this crappy daylight savings time. My sleep patterns will be disturbed for a few months. Something else to look forward to. Oooh, aren’t I a little ray of sunshine this morning?

Right now I’m sitting here with tears flowing down my face with no earthly idea why. Mr. Fixit isn’t home; he’s helping our older son. I wish he were here even though he was driving me to distraction this morning just by being on the same planet with me. I could call him and ask him to come home, but that would make me feel worse. I detest being so wimpy and dependent. Besides, how could I explain to him why I’m feeling so low when I can’t explain it to myself?

I just want this crap to be over! I want to be just my usual weird self that I was before but without the smoking.

March 11, 2008

Yesterday afternoon I saw a television advertisement for the law firm of Shyster, Shyster, and Crook targeting people who have had problems with Chantix. Strangely, it made me feel a bit better. If someone is trying to get a class action lawsuit organized, then maybe I’m not completely nuts. There is a problem with this product for some people. Will I make that call to Shyster, et al? Not on your life. I made the choice after I recognized the side effects to continue taking the product. By the same token, if I continued smoking and developed lung cancer, I wouldn’t sue the cigarette manufacturer either. Even though the danger of tobacco wasn’t publicized when I started smoking, I soon learned the dangers involved and CHOSE to continue this dangerous behavior.


March 12, 2008

I think the effects of this product are wearing off, not the bad ones, the one good one. I really wanted a cigarette this morning. I am really going to be p.o.’ed if I have suffered all these uncomfortable side effects (and spent mega bucks) and I won’t have the willpower to overcome the habit with no assistance from the drug. My daughter-in-law, who once smoked but stopped before the birth of Cole, once said sometimes in times of stress she still craves tobacco.

We kept Bella and Levi last night while Ben and Dena attended an awards program with Cole. The children were watching a movie when Ben, Dena, and Cole came in. Mr. Fixit, in charge of the remotes, was talking to Ben. The movie came to a very loud car crash sequence (The movie was “Cars”). I said to Mr. Fixit, “Turn it down!” He ignored me. I felt like spikes were being driven into my skull. I repeated a little louder, “Turn It Down!” Again I was ignored. “TURN IT DOWN!” I yelled. Mr. Fixit finally got the point and turned it down. Ben and Dena must have thought I was nuts screaming like a banshee and covering my ears. I still haven’t told them of the problems I’ve been having.

March 14, 2008

My scheduled doctor’s appointment was this morning. The good news is things are status quo. I was afraid that the numbers would be bad since I haven’t been watching my diet and eating out too often. I have been too tired to fix the things at home I should be eating, and eating out is very convenient when one feels like crap.

I outlined the problems I have with the Chantix. When the doctor said it might be necessary to use some sort of medication to combat this depression and rage (to a lesser extent), I told him I would rather not go that route. It was a medication that put me in this position. He agreed somewhat, but said that counseling might be necessary. He made an appointment for me in two weeks to see if the depression has abated. I just want it over and done with!

Now it’s time for me to post my experience with Chantix to my blog. I can’t prove that Chantix is responsible for all my problems. It could be, as I told the doctor, that I am just loony. I think the sleep deprivation and the vivid dreaming may be the cause of the depression, not the drug itself.

A little advice to anyone who is considering taking Chantix:

Be prepared for the interruption of sleep
Nausea will occur unless you only take the tablets on a full stomach.
Be prepared for the vivid dreaming
Be prepared for depression and rage.
Lack of focus and concentration is very disconcerting.
Be ready for the cost. When I began taking the prescription, I paid $128.00 for 28 days’ supply. It went up to $133.00 in the short time I was taking it. Most insurance doesn’t help pay for it.
Most importantly, be ready for some awful thoughts to enter your mind.
Do a little research before making the decision to try it.

The bottom line is that Chantix has helped me stop smoking. Millions of people have used this product with only mild side effects. Only a small percentage have had major problems. Has it been worth the problems? I don’t know at this point; time will tell.

Today (March 16)

I have a raging desire again for a Winston. Damn, Damn, Double Damn! I won't give in, I won't give in.