Chantix - Was It Worth It?

For the last few months my posts have been few and far between. Ben, Jason, I haven’t told you what has been going on; I didn’t want you worry and it's very embarrassing for me. Don’t get upset; I think there is hope for your goofy mother.

I have been keeping a journal about my experience so that maybe I can at least let people know what CAN happen, not what WILL happen, if they think they may try taking Chantix to stop smoking.

Note: My grammar, syntax, and punctuation are a little sloppy; you’ll see why. I have only edited the most egregious errors. I won't post the whole journal at one time; it's very long.

So Here We Go!

I am writing this January 7, 2008. I don’t plan to post it for some months yet because I don’t want the children to know what is happening to me.

Three months ago Mr. Fixit told me to ask the doctor for Chantix, a stop-smoking aid. I was furious because I knew who had told him about this product. I didn’t like the idea of his discussing my shortcomings with this person. I asked the doctor for the prescription and began the regimen several days later. I didn’t tell Mr. Fixit that I had begun using the product. I didn’t want to admit my failure to him or for him to think badly of me in case the stuff didn’t help.

I have been smoking since I was 17 years old; I am now 62. I love smoking. I love the taste and the ritual of smoking. I love the little “AAH!” moment when you take that first puff. I don’t like the smell, the chance of lung cancer, the cough, and the cost. I have tried several times to quit without success. I have tried cold turkey a number of times. I tried the patches. I tried another medication. The medication worked the best, and I didn’t smoke for quite a while. When my older brother died, I began smoking again. It’s true that I didn’t resume smoking as much as I did at one time, but it was still too much.

When the doctor gave me the prescription for Chantix, he didn’t mention any side effects, but I read the insert that came with the product. They seemed innocuous enough; nothing I couldn’t handle--at least I thought so.

The first week my sleep was affected, but I always have trouble sleeping. I didn’t recognize any other things that seemed alarming. I noticed that my melancholia had returned, but I associated this with the coming Christmas season. I always get a little blue around the holidays. The second week the dosage is doubled. This is when the abnormal dreaming began. The dreams were extremely vivid. I remember every single thing that happened in them. They seem to last for a long time. I read somewhere once that the average dream lasts about 30 seconds no matter how long it seems to go on. These dreams would last for hours. I would wake up several times during the dream, go back to sleep, and it would continue like a movie. The first one that concerned me a little was when I had a dream about my DIL. It was absolutely nuts! She would never do what she did in the dream. I was so angry with her. Even when I woke up and realized that it was a dream a little of the anger remained. Then a couple of nights later I had a dream featuring Mr. Fixit. I woke up livid! When I went down for breakfast I told him I was mad at him because of something that he did in my dream. I wasn’t joking, but I guess he didn’t realize that. I continued taking the drug for two months.

My depression seemed to be getting worse, but I didn’t associate this with the Chantix. I have always had a little problem with depression, but not enough to talk to anyone about it. In fact, I have reached the point where I can talk myself out of it. It never lasts for more than a few days. This time it lasted much too long. It seemed that I stayed miffed at someone or sad all the time. Mr. Fixit was driving me crazy even though he was doing nothing out of the ordinary. It’s just that everything he did aggravated me. He never knew what I was feeling. It was taking everything I had to hold it together.

The strange thing is that I had to stop taking the tablets after the second month because it is very expensive ($128 a month) and I had Christmas to think about. So I skipped a month. My sleep improved. My dreams returned to normal, but the depression clung to me like a cold, wet sheet. It was during that time that I had a major tantrum. I mentioned it in my post of December 21, 2007. I didn’t tell the whole truth in that post or tell Mr. Fixit the extent of my tantrum. I wasn’t just crying because of the frustration. I was in a rage!

After my Christmas shopping was done, I had the prescription refilled and started taking it. My mistake may have been that I continued taking the same dosage as I was taking when I stopped the taking it instead of asking the doctor for a new prescription to begin a whole new regimen. A few days into the week, my depression and anger blossomed. Something new was added. I was suddenly affected by loud, shrill noises. Mr. Fixit sneezed and I felt like the top of my head exploded. The microwave was on so I raised the volume on the tv. When the oven shut off, there was a shrill commercial on that made me feel as if someone was pounding nails into my skull. My knees actually buckled. Thank goodness, it passed in only a moment.

This past Saturday I was exhausted even though I had done absolutely nothing all day. I spent most of my time lying on the couch. I went to bed at 9:15 pm. and was asleep by 9:30; at least that’s when I turned out the light. I awoke at 10:30 after the vivid dreaming recurred. I went back to sleep. More dreaming; in fact, it felt like it was constant. One time I woke up and the thought crossed my mind that I didn’t want to live anymore. I was even considering what there was in the house to do the job. It was only a momentary thought, but it scared the crap out of me. I have never had serious thoughts of that sort before. It began to dawn on me that perhaps it was the Chantrix since the dreams had returned. I fell asleep again only to begin a dream featuring our star of the evening, Mr. Fixit. I can remember every detail, every color, every emotion. When I woke I was literally trembling with rage! These two things made me realize that something was horribly wrong.

Yesterday I spent most of the day on line researching this drug. I found that most people have no problems with it at all and it helps them to stop smoking. However, I found several sites and many people who recounted having the same problems that I was having. Most of them cited side effects that were much worse than mine. One person said that she would rather die of lung cancer than to go through the problems she had developed after taking Chantix. As I thought about it I realized that I had experienced the following problems:

Sleep deprivation
Abnormal dreaming
Depression
Rage
Self-destructive thoughts (I can’t even use the correct term)
Inability to focus
Muddled thinking
Intolerance of loud noises
Exhaustion

Of course, I can’t say that all these things were caused by the Chantix, but a lot of people have been experiencing the same things--people like me who have never had a problem with depression or who have never had self-destructive thoughts. No one else mentioned the intolerance of loud noise, but some mentioned physical problems that I have not encountered. Those affected the worst seemed to be people who have been treated for depression before.

The most disheartening thing I learned was some of the side affects can last a long time; they don’t stop when you stop taking the drug. Another disturbing thing I found was that there have been at least two suicides by people who were perfectly normal until they started taking Chantix. The FDA has received 5,000 complaints, but it has failed to do anything. I guess 5,000 complaints out of the millions of people taking this drug is a very small percentage.

After discovering all downsides to the drug I was undecided what to do. I don’t want to die of lung cancer, and this drug does help me in my quest to become a non-smoker. I feel now that I know the reasons for my problems I will be able to control the depression and the rage. At least I know what is causing it. I can’t control the physical things, but I feel that I can adjust to a little more forgetfulness and the outrageous dreams. Mr. Fixit may have to adjust to my lack of focus and exhaustion.

One thing I knew for sure was that I had to tell Mr. Fixit what was happening. I was afraid that he might send me to mental health facility that features a whole new wardrobe for me that features lots of buckles on my jackets. When he came home I tried to explain. He said that I should stop taking it. I explained why felt I would be able to continue taking it so he agreed as long as things don’t get worse.

Last night I took the evening dose earlier than I usually do as was suggested by one of the forum participants. The dreams didn’t begin until 4:30 am. I slept for six hours without disturbance. I feel much better today. Maybe my body is acclimating to the drug and things will be better. I hope so. As I said, Chantix works as far as the primary reason for taking it. I just wonder if it’s worth it.