Independence

There are many things I don’t like about getting old. I don’t like the aches and pains that seem to be my constant companions. I don’t like the cosmetic changes like sagging skin, thinning hair, stubby eyelashes, etc., etc., etc. I don’t like knowing that there are things that I will never do, material things I will never have, and some things will never change for the better.

I think I’ve found the absolute worse thing, other than complete mental and physical breakdown, since we have been dealing with Mr. Fixit medical issues. I think that I am losing my independence. I have always been very independent. My mother told me that I was too independent, but I realized quite early in my life that things work out better for me if I don’t let myself depend on others. If I can’t be totally independent, for instance, financially, I hope that I have contributed in other ways to sort of repay that dependence.

When our sons came to put down our new kitchen flooring, I felt like I wasn’t doing my share of the work. When Mr. Fixit was in good shape, we could work together on most jobs and not ask for help. With him not being able to help, I found that I couldn’t do everything I wanted to do. I didn’t get all the furniture out of the dining room and I didn’t have time to remove the old tile or remove the moldings. These are things we would have done together if all were right in our world. As it is, the boys had to take up the tile, remove the molding, move some of the furniture, plus lay the new flooring. Then after it was done, they had to help me put the furniture back and replace the old molding with new. It still grates on me that I was so dependent of someone else.

Then a few days later I saw any article written for adult children who think it’s time to take financial oversight of their parents. It felt as if someone had thrown ice water in my face. Is this in our future? I only hope that doesn’t happen to us.

If I lost my independence, I would be losing ME.