45 Years of Night & Day and Black & White

Mr. Fixit and I have been married for over 45 years. Sometime I wonder how we’ve made it this far. We are as different as chalk and cheese.

 He is less spontaneous than I. He likes to have every moment planned. When we go on our little explorations, he wants to know exactly where we are going. I like to see where the road leads. When it’s a planned trip, he has two TomToms on, stacks of routes planned by Mapquest, individual state road maps, and the road atlas that is always in the car. I look at the map to get a general idea of the route I want to follow and let the big green highway signs direct me.

He is more self-centered that I am. I don’t mean that in a mean way. It’s just that he give little thought to the way his actions may affect others. He thinks that everything I feel and do has something to do with him.

When something needs to be repaired, he thinks and thinks and thinks, while I want to think a little and then start doing something. Meanwhile, he’s still thinking. When he does start the repair, he is able to fix almost anything (well, plumbing is not his favorite thing). The problem is he doesn’t care what the result looks like; he cares only that the result is successful. Me? I want it to work, but I also want it to look nice.

He thinks I’m not logical. He may be right. When I have a problem to solve, I start at the end and work my way back to the beginning. When I was a child, I loved those maze puzzles. I was a whiz at them. I always started at the end point and worked my way back to the starting point. When he asks me for suggestions when he has a job to do, I always ask first what the objective is. Then I work backwards.

I think he is too influenced by other people. He finds it impossible to say “No” even though he doesn’t really want to do what’s asked of him. He doesn’t seem to realize he being manipulated, or maybe he doesn’t care. I hate being manipulated. It make me angry, and I very seldom allow it to happen. I dig in my heels and do the opposite of whatever the person who is trying to manipulate wants. I can’t understand why people can’t be straight forward and say what’s on their minds. If someone wants me to do something, say so. Don’t manipulate. It makes me angry that anyone would think I’m so stupid that I don’t see what’s happening.

He is more forgiving than I am. Even when I do forgive real or imagined slights, I remember. I remember for a long time and I never put myself in the position to be hurt again. Sometimes I know that it’s cutting off my nose. . .but that’s they way I protect myself.

Even thought we are so different, for the last few years we have both noticed that we have a lot of “Twilight Zone” moments. You know, when we both say exactly the same thing at the same time. This happens a lot in the car. Or sometimes when I’m upstairs and he’s downstairs, we meet on the steps and we both say we need to go shopping, or we want to go for a drive, or we both have a craving for ice cream. It gets really spooky sometimes.

When I talked to him last, he said he was coming home Saturday. I’m glad.