Advice

Some years ago a friend asked me for advice about a situation that was occurring in her family that was hurtful to her. She didn’t know how to handle it. Should she confront the family members who slighted her on many occasions or should she smile and not let anyone know how much she was hurt?


On one hand perhaps no one realized they were hurting her. She had done nothing to incur hard feelings from any family member. On the contrary, she went out of her way to offer her help and time. She couldn’t fathom why these small, but damaging, things kept happening. She felt if she confronted those people irreparable harm could be done to the family and the close relationship she thought she had, but her heart was breaking every time she was overlooked and slighted.

The other option was not letting anyone know that she felt unappreciated and hurt when others were shown more consideration and respect than she was. The problem with that was that after years of enduring little nicks to her heart she was beginning to feel less loving toward those who were careless with her feelings. She felt she had to harden her heart to keep from being hurt, but she said it was making her very unhappy.

I’ve often wondered if I gave her to right advice or if she even took it. We lost touch. I saw something online that brought the incident to mind. I hope whatever she decided was the right option for her situation.

Having become much older and a little wiser, I hope, I am very careful about giving advice unless I’m asked or I see a real danger ahead. Even when asked, I try to just see all sides of the situation and then to discuss the pros and cons of each alternative without making my own personal feelings known.

In this case, I suggested that she ignore as much as possible and keep smiling. That’s what I would do, but one of my biggest failings is my pride. I wouldn’t want anyone to know how much I was hurting.

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Every time I go to the library, my nose begins to run, I get dizzy, and if I stay too long, I break out in a sweat. I then get a bad headache. I wonder if there is something there that causes these reactions. Could I be allergic to the library? I can’t bear even considering that possibility.